I was angry, upset, frustrated and generally depressed. Ever been there?

I was home, talking to my wife, dumping all that I had in me out on the table to/about/with her all the while searching for the root of how I was feeling. Ever done that?

It has been an interesting journey the last few years...Dad handing things over to me after leading CMI for 18 years, moving back to Canada from the US, meeting hundreds of pastors representing tens of thousands of people, taking on a business partner and taking a more active role in helping people develop both from an individual and Christ-follower perspective.

I felt tired, burned and hurt. I took a lot out on my wife that day.

For some reason, she asked a question that has stuck with me and it immediately changed my attitude, she asked, “Why don’t you stop fighting?”

Great question!

Immediately my mind went in 50 different directions, why don’t I stop fighting? Who am I fighting? What am I fighting against? Why is it important to me? Who is in the same battle with me? If I stop fighting, who else would pick up the mantle of change? This is what we plan to write about the next year: the battle that we, as workers for the cause of Christ, are in.

Much of the battle, I believe, begins with being able to get to the root of what I “believe” to be true. No, I’m not questioning my faith in Christ. I am, however, talking about being more inquisitive about what I believe to be true about life, about ministry, about church - but have never challenged before.

We all have perceptions or beliefs that drive our behavior that can dictate our response to any situation. Sometimes, however, it really is more of an illusion than the reality. I am finding that there may just be some beliefs I’ve held since I was a child that don’t particularly align with what I truly value (sorry, Mom and Dad). Is it possible that many of us, as Christians, as pastors, are living our lives out of these beliefs rather than out of faith and based on our values? Do we really understand the difference between faith, beliefs and values?

In response to this question, throughout 2011, we’ll be looking at what we’ve observed as “Illusions” - those things that appear on the surface to be real, some behaviors that may, in fact, be an illusion. The main themes come out of our learnings as we have talked to several denominational leaders, dozens of districts, hundreds of churches, and thousands of church leaders in the last couple of years.

Hopefully you will feel encouraged in the realization that you are not alone in how you are feeling. For some, it may be cause to stop and think. Others will not bother to engage in reflecting on the issues we raise. Still others will simply get angry and want to lash out. All reactions we have seen through the last few years. However, I hope that YOU will keep an open mind about what we write and, at least, think about it. If you have questions or want to disagree, please do so!

We look forward to what is to come in the New Year. Merry Christmas!

Duane...